


Lifetimes and More

by Whenwetalkaboutnature



Series: A 5,000-miles distance (ChanWoo) [2]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Boys In Love, Domestic, Fate & Destiny, Fluff, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, Love Poems, M/M, Reincarnation, Romance, Soulmates, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:53:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23485597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whenwetalkaboutnature/pseuds/Whenwetalkaboutnature
Summary: Although Chan and Woojin are not always together, they have loved each other for lifetimes and more.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Kim Woojin
Series: A 5,000-miles distance (ChanWoo) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1897795
Comments: 7
Kudos: 34





	Lifetimes and More

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MrSunshine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrSunshine/gifts), [StayInMyLane](https://archiveofourown.org/users/StayInMyLane/gifts), [suheafoams](https://archiveofourown.org/users/suheafoams/gifts), [Starlight1395](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starlight1395/gifts).



It is another lovely Friday evening. Chan and Woojin are lying on their bed, just vibing and chilling.

"Jinnie, I'm gonna tell you one out.ra.geous story," Chan says suddenly.

Woojin raises his eyebrows, giving a mischievous smirk, as if telling Chan, ' _Bring it on!'_

"This is the 1,667th time that I found you." Woojin looks at Chan with a slightly confused look, but lets Chan continue.

"I've loved you. Lifetimes before, too." Chan smiles boyishly, a little shyly. His dimples prominent. Woojin's eyes soften.

He loves this position, when they are face to face on their bed, where Woojin can trace Chan's right dimple, that is deeper than the other, with his left hand fingers. He's ready to listen to more of this story. He cuddles closer to Chan's heart.

"So, did you always love me _this much_?"

"I did. I really did."

"Did I always love you _this much_ , too?"

A pause before Chan answers, "I'm not sure."

Woojin pushes himself back and looks at Chan. "Why the doubt?" He frowns.

"Because... you didn't always stay."

Woojin's breath halted for a split second.

"And do you believe I ever left because I didn't love you?"

"I don't know, baby. I don't know. I can't answer that for you. I couldn't understand why you left every time you did. ...  
Well, perhaps, some times, ... I _could_ see your circumstances and, logically, I _should have,_ at least, tried to comprehend your decision. It's just ... my heart _never wanted_ to accept it.

And some other times, it's really not our fault. God just decided to take you away from me, too early." Chan tries to keep the sadness from bleeding into his voice. If Woojin can still hear that, he doesn't mention it. He just cuddles back to Chan.

They are silent for a while. Woojin can feel Chan's breath on his hair. Chan feels Woojin's warmth in his embrace. "You said you found me. Why is it not the other way around?"

"I'm not sure either how all of this ... works. So, I can't give you a definite answer... but I'm guessing, it's because I'm the only one who remembers.

Every lifetime, when I reach 17 I remember my previous lives. Not vividly, and not in details, but like, a glance of what kind of person I had been, the things most important to me, and the people I had loved the most.

It would take me a while to understand what the flashes of events in my head meant. Some times I caught up fast and knew immediately what to do about them. Some times I ignored them, thinking they were some meaningless dreams. Nevertheless, sooner or later I understood they were memories of my past lives. By then, usually you were already in my life. If not, I would immediately start seeking you.

So, yeah, because I'm the only one who remembers, I need to keep finding you."

"But, because you're the only who remembers, couldn't you just have decided not to look for me?"

"Of course I could have. In fact, I did a couple of times.

There were times when we were childhood friends. That's why, I couldn't help but fell for you before I even remembered my past lives." Woojin wonders how, in Chan's head, being childhood friends automatically translates to Chan falling for him, but then, he probably would have fallen for Chan, too. No, he is sure he would.

"But ..." Chan continues, "there were also many times when we didn't know each other, right? Usually, no matter where I was born and grew up [' _or what kind of universe it was'_ \-- Chan didn't mention as it's a story for another day], I would eventually come to find you. But, these two times I was born in Australia, I caught up fast. I remembered my past lives and I had gone through miseries before, so I intentionally decided to avoid Korea altogether. I was so sure you were here. I wanted to safe myself from the possibility of a heartbreak."

"And?" Woojin trails.

"And I realized I had the happiest lives when you were in them. Regardless of how long ... or how short you were in them.

Though I must admit I was bitter every time you were there too short of a time." Chan chuckles, trying to lighten the weight of his words.

Chan can feel Woojin's grasp at his shirt gets stronger. He then feels his chest gets warm and a little wet.

"Baby?" He tries to get Woojin to look at him, but Woojin sticks to his chest, so Chan just holds him tighter.

"I'm sorry ... I'm sorry that I caused you pain."

"Hey, sssh... I'm not telling you this to make you feel guilty." Chan finally gets Woojin to see him in the eyes and Chan's chest feels tight to see those tears.

"I know. You're telling me this to tell me you love me. But, I really am sorry. ...

Channie, in case in the future I cause you pain, again, I'm sorry for that too. I don't know the circumstances, but believe me, it can never be my intention to hurt you. ..." Chan never sees anyone in tears so beautiful, he feels like crying too.

"... But, I need you to, please, understand that there is not a lifetime when I don't love you."

"How can you be so sure, my Woojinnie?" Chan wipes away the tears on the outside corners of Woojin's eyes. He thinks he's almost foolish that the droplets on Woojin's lashes take his breath away. But, everything about Woojin does so, if Chan is honest.

"Because you are you and I am me. There is not a chance that a Kim Woojin doesn't love a Bang Christopher Chan. No chance."

It feels like a deja vu.

Chan shifts their position so Woojin now lies on his back and Chan cages him. Their eyes hold nothing but fondness and love for each other. How can anyone love so much?

Every time Woojin left, Chan wondered what he had done to deserve that kind of suffering. Every time Woojin stayed, Chan wondered whether he deserved that kind of happiness.

Whenever Woojin stayed, like he does now, Woojin was always so good at expressing how much he loved Chan, leaving no room for Chan to doubt his feelings. Woojin treated Chan as if he was his whole world. As if Woojin compensated for the times when he had needed to leave. As if he felt Chan's past fear, pain, and sadness. As if he remembered their past lives. As if loving Chan intensely ... was his only way to say sorry.

It's not the first time Chan told him this story. Every once in some long lifetimes when Woojin did stay, Chan would tell him this story. Chan had been wondering now, how there had never been an ounce of disbelief in Woojin's eyes whenever he first heard the story. It could be that all these times Woojin just played along with Chan, but the look in Woojin's eyes told Chan he trusted him. The mere thought of how much Woojin trusts him, accepts him, never fails to get his heart soaring high.

It may feel like a deja vu, but it is not. It is not at all.

Because, it was what Woojin told Chan in their past lives, too. That he had always loved, and would always love Chan, no matter how many lifetimes passed. That is why Chan never stops seeking him. That is why in the chance that in this lifetime Woojin might stay, Chan willingly takes the risk that Woojin might leave despite the pain it will cause him if he does leave.

Chan remembers how painful that one lifetime, when he and Woojin were a team in the same company, but Woojin suddenly withdrew from the company. From Chan's life. He couldn't accept Woojin's decision. He felt so weird without his best friend by his side. Later on, he generally managed pretty well, but from time to time, in some godly late/early hours, he found himself sobbing on the apartment's kitchen floor, biting his own fist, trying to keep his voice down, so he wouldn't wake his other team members up. Or that one lifetime, when Woojin died young from an accident, soon after telling Chan he loved him. It was so unfair, Chan had to spend the rest of his long life without Woojin, holding on to Woojin's words.

He also remembers many different lifetimes, in each which they lived as magically powerful creatures, embarking upon almost a thousand year-adventure. Yes, every single day they were exposed to dangers, but each day was fun, full of love, full of life. Chan wouldn't want anything better. Those days when they felt they were invincible were the best because several hundred years loving and being loved in return by Woojin was everything he could ask for.

A lifetime like this is good, too. But mere humans' lifespan is so short, like 70 years? A little longer if you're lucky. And now they're in their early 30s, Chan almost feels another 40-or-so years loving each other will not be quite enough.

"Now you're a Bang Woojin, remember?" Chan kisses Woojin on his right eyebrow. Woojin delicately traces his fingers on Chan's features.

"Yes, but that's only after a Kim Woojin fell for a Bang Christopher Chan. My statement remains true." Woojin gives Chan a small peck on the lips. His tears are drying on his cheeks "... Maybe next time you can be a Kim Christopher Chan."

"You just don't remember, but I already was, many many times. And I don't mind being one again in the future." Chan gives him a peck back. At that, Woojin eyes widen sparkly -- the expression he makes every time he sees something for the first time, every time he's excited -- Chan's brutally endeared, but then again, when was he ever not?

"Be mine in our next lives, too, yeah?" Chan asks. The look in his eyes gets Woojin's breath to hitch.

His eyes are Woojin's favorite.

They are determined, albeit bordering scary, when Chan is focused on pouring his utmost to meet his own standards, to produce quality works. Woojin always worries because Chan is too often very hard on himself, but it's also the part of Chan that Woojin loves so much.

They are kind and caring whenever Chan sees their little ones, this group of 7 other younger boys they both have become bestfriends with, for over a decade now.

They can be in pain too, whenever Chan and Woojin argue. It is the look Woojin does not prefer because if Woojin can help it, he never wants Chan to look exasperatedly helpless, angry, or disappointed like that. But as life is so fickle, arguments do occur from time to time.

And these... loving ... eyes.  
The ones that make Woojin want to hide because he feels like he's being exposed to the core. Yet, Woojin can't help but look back as intensely, for not everyone is as lucky, to have the love of their life look at them with such dedicated, adoring, eyes. _'Why do you love me so much?'_ Woojin wants to ask. But he himself can't explain why he loves Chan so much, either. So, all he can do is accept Chan. All of Chan. For everything that Chan throws at him. For as long as Chan wants him. Woojin's brutally endeared, but then again, when was he ever not?

"I'm always yours, Channie. Always. And, tho it might be unfair of me to say this since I don't remember, I'm sure even when I'm not by your side, my heart is yours."

This man under Chan is wicked. He has Chan wrapped around his little finger and Chan wonders if he knows it himself. Gosh, Chan loves him so much it's scary.

In all honesty, Chan is fearful of the prospect of another lifetime without Woojin being his. The thought alone is terrifying. On top of that, Chan remembers that his past selves already _experienced_ it, so Chan can imagine how it was, not being able to breathe -- from sadness, hopelessness, anger, and disappointment. As if his current self could _feel_ and _understand_ how unbearable it was when Woojin left. Chan's trepidation is expected.

Yet, for every little chance to hold this man in his arms for as long as the universe allows him to, Chan will decisively confront the fears.

Every, single, time.

Woojin doesn't know why he believes they lived lifetimes. Something in the way Chan tells the story makes Woojin believe it true. It means he believes that Chan loved him hundreds of times before, too. It means he deeply regrets that he hurt Chan, no matter what the reasons his past selves had. ' _Oh, Lord. I'm going to hell, ain't I? I must be. For hurting a soul like his,'_ Woojin thinks to himself.

Woojin is begging for God's forgiveness, but he thinks again, if having Chan in his arms like this is the gift from God, _the heaven_ he won't taste in the afterlife, he switches to gratefulness. He switches to a prayer, not to hurt Chan again. But in the chance that he does, he prays that Chan is always tremendously strong and resilient, to make it through the difficulty. He prays that Chan not only _survives_ through _any kinds_ of adversities, but _thrives_ through them. He prays that Chan is always safe, happy, healthy, protected and cared for. That Chan is always loved, thoroughly, profoundly. He prays that Chan always has him, but even in the chance that Chan does not have Woojin, Chan will still have the world and more, because Chan deserves it. Gosh, Woojin loves him so much it's scary.

Woojin prays that he won't cause Chan anymore pain. It crosses his mind, what if he just prays not to be reborn? If he simply doesn't exist, then he can never hurt Chan. Ever again.

However, if living some more lifetimes means that there will be the possibilities of hurting Chan (then going to hell for that), but also, the possibilities of having Chan (and cuddling like they are at this moment), Woojin silently tells God it's ok to burn him in hell in the afterlife.

Thus, Woojin solemnly asks to be reborn, because, while Woojin doesn't know if he will stay by Chan's side all the time,

he knows he will always love Chan.

Every, single, lifetime.

***

There are lifetimes when they don't have a happily-ever-after. But at least, in this one, they do.

To each other, their eyes hold the galaxies and the most breath-takingly beautiful stars;

their voices are the most delightfully bewitching sound to ever grace their ears and their whole existence;

their bodies are the solar system, each feels like a helpless planet that can't be but pulled into the cosmic orbit.

To each other, they are the entire universe.

For each other, their loves are endless.

Peppering each other with small kisses; they cuddle, tickle, wiggle and giggle. It is just another fine, lovely, Friday evening. And they have many many more to come.

**Author's Note:**

> Writing this is my way to cope with you guys know what.
> 
> If you, AO3-ers, like this drabble even a little, I will be very happy. Thank you for reading.  
> (*＾3＾)/～♡
> 
> The number of lifetimes is the number of works with Woochan tag here in AO3 at the time of writing.  
> ⊂((・▽・))⊃
> 
> This is my first attempt at creative writing and English is not my mother tongue, so please bear with me and spare me some mercy (^_^)
> 
> If you find it sound awkward at some (or many) parts, I'm sorry. I did my best to make everything sound as natural as possible to the native speakers, but still, I have my limitations as a non-native speaker (>.<) I apologize.
> 
> Suggestions and constructive criticisms are welcome but if you only have negativity, please do keep it to yourself. 
> 
> My biggest inspirations are StayInMyLane, MrSunshine, Suheafoams and Starlight1395. Thank you for your wonderful stories, guys. I love you.
> 
> There is one other writer whose account I unfortunately have not found again at the time of writing, but whose story really lingers in me. I will keep looking for them and add them later to convey my appreciation.
> 
> Thank you for your time.  
> Take good care, stay safe and healthy♥♥
> 
> Stray Kids everywhere all around the world.  
> Stay makes Stray Kids stay.  
> Stray Kids make Stay stay.


End file.
